Do you struggle with self-blame and self-criticism? A little bit of self-blame and self-criticism isn’t so bad. However, when we continually beat ourselves up and do it more often than not, we may be unable to stop and do an objective reality check. If you continuously feed your mind with self-blaming and self-criticism, those words will become louder and more believed. That can increase your risk of developing anxiety or depression.
The Self-Blame Game
Self-blame refers to a person’s tendency to find themselves at fault, especially when things don’t go as planned, even if the cause of events were beyond their control. A self-blame pattern makes a person feel constantly guilty and have an inferiority complex.
Although the tendency to self-blame can make a person seem humble, it can also inhibit them from being more creative and wanting to do better. People who have a persistent habit of blaming themselves for anything that goes wrong will usually avoid taking the initiative. This is because they prefer to stay inconspicuous so they won’t receive extra (negatively perceived) attention.
Self-Blame Correlates With Self-Criticism
Being self-critical is the act of telling ourselves negative and destructive thoughts, such as being inadequate, shameful, or a failure. We all tend to be self-critical to some degree occasionally. However, the problem begins when this becomes a habit on a negative, self-reinforcing loop. Self-criticism causes a person to become stuck with negative thoughts and emotions about themselves. They feel guilt and shame to the extent that they no longer feel the desire to achieve success. If left unaddressed, this inaction in life can also lead to depression and other mental health issues.
Self-criticism deprives a person of being able to look at their own efforts or abilities objectively. It robs them of being able to engage in healthy self-reflection, allowing them to be more accepting of past mistakes.
Some critical self-evaluation allows us to identify and accept our imperfections so we can take conscious steps to improve. However, if self-blame and self-criticism become our normal patterns, they can paralyze us into inaction. It can hinder you from achieving your full potential. Therefore, it’s important to keep self-blame and self-criticism at healthy levels. In other words, it should be a feedback mechanism, not a tool for constant self-deprecation. Let’s consider these three steps to keep your self-blaming and self-criticism in check.
Step 1 – Focus Your Criticism On Your Behavior
We can change our behaviors. When your inner voice starts to sound critical, it’s time to address your behaviors. Be careful not to criticize your attributes, as you can’t always change them. You also do not need to change who you are. Your attributes are part of what makes you unique.
For example, if you blame yourself for not being more intelligent, you risk frustration and depression. Instead, focus on correctly blaming and criticizing your habit of spending too much time on social media rather than studying or reading development books. You can change the outcome when you find ways to correct the behavior.
Step 2 – Know The Difference Between Taking Responsibility And Self-Blaming
Instead of being quick to blame or criticize yourself, try to assess the situation first. It’s important to look into every aspect of yourself. See how your actions, inactions, and the words you left unspoken affected the entire situation outcome. Accept your mistakes and develop ways to improve yourself and the situation in the future.
Step 3 – Challenge Your Self-Critical Inner Voice
When your inner voice tells you that you are lazy, not worthy, or inadequate, try to challenge those thoughts. You could write a journal entry of the things you like about yourself and list your strengths. Save that page and refer back to it anytime you need a reminder to appreciate yourself and criticize yourself less. Don’t forget to add to it when you accomplish something you are proud of or grow in a skill that reflects positive things about yourself.
If you work on improving yourself, your skills, your abilities, and your behavior, you will find eliminating your negative, self-critical inner voice easier.